May 18, 2007

Truth , Justice, And Our Way Or The Highway - $1.19/LB

Jacobites - Howling Good Times (1994)

"Nationalistic tendencies" - the panel of extremely qualified, eminent, sane, board-certified, bespectacled, sometimes bearded, laced, probably real experts was saying - "are only natural expressions of love of own's country, one's fatherland if we can invent a phrase, and are purely wholesome and justifiable seen in such a light. This is our considered opinion." At this the panel nodded as one and slid slowly and simultaneously underneath the long panelled bench, shiny wigs last to be seen. As they disappeared, unaware the cameras still ran and the microphones buzzed, there was heard a whispered "Do ya think they bought it?" and a round of answering sniggers.

One Must Be Ever So Careful, Here And Always Over There, Over There

True Believers - True Believers (1986) and
True Believers - True Believers (1987)

The typewriter was a dangerous weapon. Milton knew this instinctively. He had dared approach it only obliquely to date, at angles impossible for the geometricians to define and label. He believed it unaware of him and of his intentions. Clad in his special homemade armor (paper plates scavenged from the bins behind the local ribbery and pasta joint, stitched with stale spaghetti), today he chose a new approach, circling in from several miles out and taking full advantage of natural cover - small children, goats, surprised milkmen - to achieve his final goal, the fruit of years of research and hard mental effort. The filthy and tattered "True Detective" subscription form trembled in his pale hands.

Seen From The Church Belfry, It Was A Sight!

Jon Langford - Skull Orchard (1997)

The circus strongman, the flying leopard act, the incredibly tall midget family and the invisible visible boy drove the old yellow hearse into town on a lark, looking for a fight you might say, never expecting what one small boy, a slingshot, and a thimbleful of pink poster paint could do. The weekly paper ran a story next edition about mysterious noises in the night, a possible alien invasion, and the courage of its local son.

May 16, 2007

It Was Least Expected, That's For Sure

The Romulans - Flight of... (1993)

Basking in the shallows, flapping wings idly, eyestalks extruded, camo-stripes rippling like shadows, the vastly intelligent but incredibly boring and bulbous (in its last, still-to-come and infinitely more venal state of metamorphosis), alien overlord of the Earth thought thoughts unlike any thoughts ever thought on Earth. Mostly about candy.

Soon, Soon, The Master Plan Will Be Revealed

Long Ryders - BBC Radio One In Concert (1994)

Blankets, blankets, blankets, rang the cry through the city! All night the shirtless men and the pantsless women ran through the sullen streets, stirring the dust and crying for blankets! The mayor and his mistress were first aghast but upon investigating threw off shirt and pantaloons and joined the joyous crowd. Blankets, blankets, blankets, rang the cry through the city!

What Happens When You Own A Pocketwatch Of Lead

Johnny Thunders - (New) Too Much Junkie Business (1990)

Punctuality, never Sister's strong point. In fact, she had on more than one occasion missed her own death. This was of course immortalized in song and story by better than average songwriters and almost readable novelists. Two films (the latter a remake of the former or the former of the latter, Sister could never be certain, having been late for both premieres) were made, by substandard and genuis directors, at the same time. The same actress also portrayed Sister in both films, as younger and even younger versions of the real Sister. Finally, having accidently viewed both films simultaneously, Sister decided the actress was a better Sister than Sister herself, so she became the actress and was never late again.