March 23, 2007

You Think You're Special!?!

A Cigar, A Whiskey And A Headless Barbie: Christmas, 1967

Young Fresh Fellows - When We Were Good (1988)

"Forever and again, the alvar were gnawing at the quantum walls of their prison.

Down where photonic light itself was too gross to serve as a basis for perception, they raged to be free. Ceaselessly shifting congeries of forms, interpenetrating shuggoths, they scratched and clawed in the basement of the cosmos like dissatisfied servants, seeking an entrance to the bright and happy privileged realms above."

- Rudy Rucker and Paul Di Filippo, "Elves of the Subdimensions" (2006)

Clockwatching Is An Unhealthy Hobby

Roger Miller - Maximum Electric Piano ~ The Big Industry (1987)

Tiny little fingers, no thicker than the idea of hair, no longer than a baby's toenail, but millions per limb, gave the indigenous inhabitants of the newly-discovered world the rare ability to physically grasp time itself. Which came in handy after they discovered the true nature of their new 'friends' from another world.

Have You Heard The One...?

Universal Congress Of - Prosperous and Qualified (1988)

The Wolfman, Frankenstein and Dracula walk into a bar...

There Is No Other Possible Explanation...For Anything

Moe Tucker - I Spent A Week There The Other Night (1993)

Without the gravitic restraints, young Thomas Jefferson would never have survived when the saucer crashed. Dazed and lonely, his memories of his earlier life completely obliterated by the trauma, the poor little alien boy was taken in by kindly plantation owners who raised him as their own and set him on his illustrious career path.

March 20, 2007

God, Gold And Guns: The Three G's Of The Apocalypse

The Minutemen - Double Nickels On the Dime (1984)

The Queen considered Columbus' request, his wavy hair, well-filled hose, firm backside. She glanced sidelong at - ugh! - Ferdinand, and allowed herself to make a decision she would regret for the rest of her life.

- For D. Boon, 1958-1985. Still missed, still needed, now more than ever.

March 19, 2007

Somewhen, An Encyclopedia Is Missing An Entry

The Mekons - Honky Tonkin' (1987)

It was a smiling cat - if cats can smile - that smothered the baby, because cats can know the future. Let's hope it was right this time - stupid cats.

Somewhere, Allen Funt Is Laughing

Penguin Cafe Orchestra - Signs of Life (1987)

The tittering sorcerer fondled the unlaughing demoness, fingertips tingling in her black electric aura, enchanted by her sparking breasts. "How much, how much!" he cried. "More than you can afford, old man," was her reply, words that fell in blood on parchment from her salacious mouth, "Way more than you can afford." A flashing, barbed tail caught the old pervert squarely on the cheek and in a Cloud of Cold Departure he was left alone again.

This Is Front Page News!

The Replacements - Stink (1982)

"And a good time was had by all."

- Any local paper in any small town, anywhere in the United States of America, c. 1890-2007 (approx.)